


A Present for Lord Hood

by Salty_but_Sweet



Category: Halo (Video Games) & Related Fandoms
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Drabble, Pointless, human!Cortana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-16 18:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21276050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salty_but_Sweet/pseuds/Salty_but_Sweet
Summary: Lord Hood was going to retire, and they needed a present. Luckily, Cortana and Johnson had taken care of it - well, depending on how you viewed it.Trademark stupid and pointless stuff.





	A Present for Lord Hood

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Halo belongs to Bungie and 343i.
> 
> This happens in some AU where people live, Cortana didn't die, etc.

“You don’t like it.” It was more of a statement than a question.

“I didn’t say that.”

“I saw your face.”

“Three days ago, you said that I’ll soon suffer from facial paralysis because my expression never changes.”

“And look how fast you learned!”

There was a looong silence when the Blue Team stood in front of the Cortana and Johnson chosen present-to-be for Lord Hood’s retirement party.

“Cortana…”

“What? Me and Johnson both liked it. Plus with Miranda’s part, we already paid the deposit.”

“Keyes approved this?”

“Well, she said go and buy something.”

John eyed the towering thing in front of them, his arms slack against his sides and his neck craned up.

As the minutes went by Kelly got frustrated and left the scene with two words to do her own shopping. None of the Blue Team members were fans of shopping malls, leaving many necessity items on the “to-do-list” for long periods of time, if they couldn’t get Cortana or any of the UNSC personnel to pick those up for them. This time had been no different and the anxiety had been evident on their postures the minute they had exited from the UNSC territory.

“We can’t…” John sought the words and even trying to seek support from his teammates.

“It’s your call, Chief,” Fred interjected, happy to be able to leave this between the two.

“Cortana, we _can’t_ give that to Lord Hood.”

“Why not? It makes a statement, it’s convenient, it–.”

“– How is it convenient?!”

“Do we know if Lord Hood needs a rice steamer, no. Do we know he is an avid fisher who needs a new Carp3000 fishing rod, no. What we do know, is that he commanded the Humanity to victory against the Prophets and the Flood. We do know that it was damn difficult to get him to retire, so, we can expect that he will continue in keeping up high-class relations in his free time. The UNSC has provided him a luxury home, so he has space. This fits, it makes a statement, it can even promote galactic peace.” Cortana counted the present's positive attributes with her fingers as she spelled them out.

“People are starting to stare,” Linda remarked from the side. However, her words rang to deaf ears with the battle of wills on the center stage.

“Cortana_, it’s orange,_ and it’s huge.”

”I know. Johnson said that’s the best part.”

“We are not giving it,” John stated after measuring the object for a minute to see if there was any way to make it into an acceptable gift.

Cortana’s face morphed into an amiable smile — with that hint of danger that made Linda and Fred take a half-a-step away from the couple, “Okay. I’ll give him this, you can go and find something else.”

Fred and Linda observed John from the corners of their eyes.

John’s mouth twitched a few times as he tried to think whether to retort back or just take the offer and march to the next isle. Maybe he could find a stand that sold men’s socks. But, the truth was, that he had never bought a present for anyone.

They stood in the impasse for a good five minutes, Cortana’s eyebrows drawn up to promote an answer.

— “You are still standing here?”

Kelly had returned with her purchases in a bag. No-one bothered to question how she had managed to cross the entire store to the registers and back.

“Apparently we aren’t giving _this_ as the present, and will be buying a new one.” Fred elucidated.

“What?!” Kelly looked at Cortana and then at his brother, reading the situation from their expression. “Hell we are, I’m taking part in Cortana’s gift — whatever it is.”

Her words generated a murderous look from John, making Fred and Linda wait a second longer to agree quietly with Kelly's decision.

**Author's Note:**

> Linda's "People are starting to stare" -comment has sat on my hard-drive for about three years. Personally, I really like it and the feeling it carries, and finally I have found a story where to attach it to. Good times.
> 
> I miss Johnson. He is so fitting partner-in-crime for Cortana when it comes to Chief.


End file.
